I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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