He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How does one acquire holy water?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
