I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We have started to decorate penises.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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