found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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