I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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