i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
