really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize