Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
