You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
