What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
