I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
