making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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