I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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