thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
