All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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