My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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