Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
