We named our party play list daddy issues
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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