My friends, they love my intelligence
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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