Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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