At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
