WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Randomize
