So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
