omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
