I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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