pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
