Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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