whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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