he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
