Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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