wakey wakey hands off snakey
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it hurts more in the daytime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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