That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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