it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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