I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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