"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
