Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
