a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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