would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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