Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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