if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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