you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
