Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
