ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
