I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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