my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Still dying that you shit outside
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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