I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
