the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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