I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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