The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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