it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
