By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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