I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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