Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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