I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
