I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
