Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
