wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
