The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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