I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
