mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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