he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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