my soul wont recognize me after tonight
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
