I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
