thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
