we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
