I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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