Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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