Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
