I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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