I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
