So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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