if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
